Dreams and fantasies have been part of humancivilisation all along the way, and always proven to be an interesting subjectto analyse and interpret. Psychologists argue that fantasies are the thoughtsthat arise and fade in our subconscious mind. And when it come sexualfantasies, no man can pretend that he hasn’t fantasised about a group sex, orabout raping someone or about having rude sex!
Psychologists believe that, "by understandingthe logic and purpose of our sexual fantasies, we may also understand ourpersonalities." The starting point of fantasies is that sex happens in ourheads. Its mysteries – why we are attracted to certain people, why certainimages or ideas are sexy to us – are subtle responses to psychologicalprogramming, largely laid down in childhood. Specifically, fantasy is our wayof overcoming deeply ingrained "pathogenic beliefs", such as guilt,shame and rejection, so that we can let go and experience sheer pleasure:orgasm.
Here we analyse the most common fantasies of humanmind, and psychologists’ interpretations for them.
This person is getting at least double the attention,undermining the belief that he or she doesn't deserve to be admired or loved.Second, again it can mitigate guilt about burdening a partner with the wholesexual appetite. Third, if a heterosexual man imagines being with or watchinganother man and a woman in bed, he may be relieving feelings of responsibilityfor pleasing the women – now he can share the burden. Fourth, the danger ofrejection is lessened.
Some analysts argue that this scenarioinvites and evokes feminine or homosexual longings in heterosexual men – themale voyeur is identifying with one of the women in the scenario. Psychologistsbelieve that guilt and worry may be more important. The voyeur can identifywith each of the parties but without the guilt and obligation of pleasinganyone. He's not directly involved and so can't fail. Further, the fact thatthere is no man in the scene makes it safer for the male voyeur to identifywith the women because many men unconsciously believe that women feelambivalent about men. He can enjoy the fantasy of having sex without having toworry about any untoward effects to his own masculinity.
Fantasising about raping a partner, who at firstresists but begins to like it, is common among men. This is, again, a way ofmastering feelings of guilt that the man is hurting women with his sexualdesires. Why men are more likely to deal with this sort of guilt with arape-type fantasy and women with a masochistic fantasy may be to do withdifferent experiences of parenting. Those who have aggressive fantasies often hadaggressive parents, and boys may be more exposed to this sort of behaviour.
These very common fantasies mainly deal with guilt.By empowering someone else to hurt and degrade us, we reassure ourselves thatwe are not the ones doing the hurting or degrading. The unconscious logic is aperversion of the golden rule: have others do unto you what you feel guiltyabout doing unto others. If the fantasy is about being humiliated, it may bethat the guilt is about feeling proud or superior. If the fantasy is aboutbeing rendered helpless, then the guilt might be about being too powerful. Thisguilt may be rooted in our relationship with our parents. A child may, forexample, feel irrationally responsible for a parent's unhappiness – that theirneeds are overwhelming – and this feeling may be internalised.
This may be an attempt to master feelings ofrejection. If we did not feel we were on our parents' emotional radar, thenbeing watched by a camera, for example, is a powerful antidote to the feelingthat we aren't worthy of attention.
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