Research shows that 90 percent of the problems women have in achieving orgasm stem from a psychological nature. That's good news because it's all about you and it can be overcome. Dr. Phil offers the following advice:If you can achieve an orgasm alone, but not with a partner, you may have performance anxiety.
Being anxious, worried or feeling pressured to have an orgasm with your partner can work against you. Anxiety is an arousal response — it can cause tension. An orgasm is a relaxation response. Those two are incompatible.
If you're wondering, "Am I doing this right? Is he judging me? Is he having fun? Does he like this?" during intercourse, the anxiety can take you away from your pleasure.
Give yourself permission to change your internal dialogue. Say, "You know what? I am part of this exchange and I do have the right to ask for what I want. And I don't have to have expectancies that I have to perform in some way. I'm going to enjoy this." Give yourself permission to relax and go with the flow.
Some additional information regarding the female orgasm:
Fifty to 75 percent of women who have orgasms need clitoral stimulation and are unable to have an orgasm through intercourse alone.
Even for women who do orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone, most still need the right position to provide clitoral stimulation.
Bring the woman very close to an orgasm before you actually engage in intercourse, so she has a better chance to have an orgasm once it begins.
-- Understanding the Female Orgasm, Al Cooper, Ph.D., Sex Therapist, July 2003.
Thirty-three to 50 percent of women experience orgasm infrequently and are dissatisfied with how often they reach orgasm.
Performance anxiety is believed to be the most common cause of orgasm problems, and 90 percent of orgasm problems appear to be psychological in nature.
-- Orgasmic Dysfunction, Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia, September 2002.
Ten to 15 percent of American women have never experienced an orgasm.
Only 35 percent of the female population will orgasm during intercourse.
Reasons for failure to climax include: sexual ignorance, sexual anxiety, and fear of letting go.
A sexual response is a complex blend of many physical and psychological variables.
What a woman expects, how she believes she should respond, and how she thinks she should act, will all impact how she experiences, behaves during, and reports her orgasmic event.
-- Pathways to Pleasure, Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., Sexologist and Adult Sexuality Educator, 2000.
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